It's A Lie And I Know It

I sigh as I watch him walk down the hallway,
His arm wrapped another girls shoulder.
They were laughing and smiling,
Having a good time.
I'm happy for him, or at least,
That's what I tell myself.
My brain says that I'm happy for him,
But my heart says otherwise.
I know that what I've thought was a lie.
I'm not happy and joyful, I'm sad and jealous.
I hide behind a smile as he walks bye.
I close my locker and stand up,
We give each other high fives.
"Hey Sabri." was all he said.
I just nod to him, afraid that if I speak I'll say something stupid.
I sigh as I watch him walk away with his girlfriend.
He is my best friend,
My bud,
My always there to cheer my up guy.
I lie to myself every day and every night.
I try to fight these feelings,
But I know that I already lost.
I sigh as I watch him in my classes we share together,
Which is all of them,
He's bragging about his girlfriend to the guys,
Not noticing that I'm alive.
Asking the teacher if I can go to the bathroom,
I leave the room and lock the bathroom stall.
I lean against the wall and slide to the ground,
Blinded by tears,
Choked by sobs,
and hurt by a friend.
He's more than a friend in my eyes,
More than a brother,
More than a family member.
I try to fight back this feeling and lie again,
But I can't any longer.
I love him.
I loved him for so long, but I never showed it.
Now he's with a girl I hate,
Slowly drifting apart from me.
After I dry my eyes and tears, I go back to class.
Only to see my best friend and his girlfriend.
Holding hands,
Kissing,
And smiling.
I lie to myself again,
Thinking that it'd be alright.
I blame myself for who I am.
I'm a girl who doesn't wear makeup,
Who doesn't wear the latest fashions,
And who doesn't act like other girls.
I have more friends that are guys than chicks,
And I know that my best friend likes them girlie.
I try to change and hide away.
But all I can do, is say a lie.
My best friend will ask how I'm doing,
I'll tell him I'm fine.
He'll ask me if I want to hang out,
I'll tell him I'm busy.
He'll ask me if like anyone,
I'll tell him that it's a secret.
But all of that,
Is one big, fat, ugly lie.
My best friend will ask how I'm doing,
I know that I'm horribly depressed
He'll ask me if I want to hang out,
I know that I'm just going to hide in my room and cry
He'll ask me if like anyone,
I know that I'm in love with him.
I'm a punk,
An anime/manga lover,
I'm a rock&roll girl,
A Justin Beiber basher,
I'm a video game addict,
A Poetic, Dark Writer.
I can write how I feel on paper,
But I can't say it to his face.
I try to give him a note,
But I'm afraid he'll turn away.
I'm afraid of hurting our friendship,
I'm afraid of that dreaded word "Goodbye",
I can't stand to lose him,
So I just hide behind that smile.
As he walks by with his arms around the girl I despise,
I act like I'm happy,
But I know.
That this,
Is just one Big,
Fat,
Ugly,
Lie.
I wish I could hide from my feelings,
But I know that is impossible.
He is my best friend,
I don't want to hide my feelings from him.
I wish I could tell him this,
But then I see him smile.
I hear him laugh.
That is how I can keep smiling.
I'm happy if he's happy.
And that is not a lie.
I see him walk bye in the hallway,
Laughing with his friends and girlfriend.
I just smile and wave when he says hello.
He is my best friend,
My bud,
My no relation bro,
And I wouldn't trade his happiness for the world.